Illumination
I hate when they leave me off for that
long! It’s been fucking days since they turned me on. The Mrs. is home. She
hasn’t been home since last week. She got in a huge fight with Mr. Porter and
left the house after she tried to burn it down. He was pissed because the
kitchen is his pride and joy. Last year he spent so much fucking money on the
fancy ass stainless steel counter tops and the marble island she never used.
Well, he did at night when everyone was sleeping. He would flip me on and walk to
the kitchen where I could see him sit. He would drink and drink until he
couldn’t walk. He would warm up the left overs, eat, then stumble back to bed
where I would hear the Mrs. yell at him to turn me back off. “Turn that fucking
lamp off when you leave the room!” She would say. Almost those same words every
time, too. He never did. So I would wait all night watching the cat jump all
over shit in the living room. He had a taste for mice, too. He would eat all
but the tail when he got lucky enough to catch one fiddling around by the
stove. Fuck, here he comes.
“Get the fuck out of my kitchen.” Mr.
Porter said.
“I see you fixed the wall. Well, I’m back.”
She said.
“You’re back, huh? Just like that? What
about my fucking kitchen?!”
“What about your fucking kitchen, asshole!
It’s fixed, isn’t it?” She said.
“Who the fuck do you think fix it, you
fucking cu…”
“Don’t you fucking call me that, Jack. Or
I’ll burn this whole fucking house down. And besides, the work is too good, I
know you didn’t fix it yourself. But it looks nice.”
I knew she would call him out on that. He
called his cousin that lives over an hour away to fix the kitchen. He was here
for 2 days fucking around in there. Kind of hard to see what he was fixing at
this angle. I barely see it when Jack opens the stainless steel fridge door.
“Fuck you. You getting your shit and
leaving or what? Jack said.
“Ppppfffftttt. I’m back. Just stop being a
bitch and I won’t set shit on fire.” She said after she kissed him.
Look at them two crazy love birds. Hard to
believe they sell drugs and kill people. Well, no it’s not. It’s crazy that
they’re not caught up yet by cops or these drug boys. She just sat on the couch
and patted on the seat next to her. He of course walked right over and sat
down. Just like nothing happen. Already snuggled up, being cute and saying
sorry for all the crazy shit for the past week. Love is a funny thing. I guess
they are going to watch a movie. I’m sure they are going to shut me off soon.
I’m not sure how much longer I will be able to turn back on. I keep flickering.
“Turn that light off and let’s go
upstairs. I’m tired.” She said.
*
“There we go.” Jack said to himself.
Fuck. I couldn’t feel anything. I don’t
have too many of these left in me.
“I think we need a new bulb, babe.” Adelie
said.
“I think so, too, Mrs. Porter.” Jack said.
“Fuck, I still love when you call me
that.” She said as she kissed him.
“I thought it was just loose, but as soon
as I touched it, it came back on. Maybe the lamp itself is fucking up. New lamp
or new ceiling fan?” Jack asked.
“How about a new fucking living room. You
can get your cousin that fixed the kitchen to fix this living room up. We
should have never bought this shithole.” She said with a smirk.
“How did you…”
“I fucking know you, Jack. You can’t
bullshit a bullshitter.”
“I guess you’re right.” He said.
“You god damn right, I’m right. Now, what
the fuck are we going to do with the dead drug dealer sitting next to me? I
should know his name by now but I never gave a fuck about his name.”
“Hmm. Maybe we should burn him in the back
like we do everybody else. Why the fuck would we do something different? Been
working for over 10 years, why change it now? You know what, you always try
to…”
“Save me the fucking rant. I’ll get the
wood and gasoline.”
“You damn right you’ll get the wood.” Jack
said with a wink.
“Just… shut up and come on.” Adelie said
looking over her glasses.
This makes at least 120 people they killed
since I been here. And I been here since they bought the house back when they
were just dating. They normally don’t kill in the living room, but the drug
dealer, his name is Mark, been taking money from them for some time now and
they finally caught him red handed. Adelie took her mini-bat and hit Mark over
his head while Jack had a belt tightly wrapped around the pothead’s neck. She
came pretty close to hitting Mr. Porter with that bat. “Watch what the fuck
you’re doing!” Jack yelled at her. She of course laughed right as he said it.
Adelie kept swinging until weed boy quit moving. And they ate lunch right after
in the kitchen like nothing happened. I just now remembered that. I blacked out
while they were in the kitchen and didn’t come to until Jack tapped me.
Fuck, these guys must be here for Mark.
“They’re in the back” The Tall man said.
“Be
quiet, we’ll get them when they come back in. Cut that fucking ugly lamp out.”
The short sloppy one said.
Who the fuck you calling ugly, you fucking
sloppy looking mother fucker. You ever hear of a razor?
“We can’t cut the light out, they’ll know
something is up. You go upstairs and I’ll hide away in the dark kitchen.” The
Tall one said.
Fuck. There is nothing I can do but watch.
It doesn’t take them long to get the fire going. They didn’t take their guns or
anything. The tall guy has a knife and a bag. Sloppy fuck has a shotgun and
really bad body odor. I know what I can do; I could flicker and illuminate so
bright that I can get their attention. I can feel the power coming through the
cord, I know I can pull more out. I can see my shadow getting longer across the
living room floor as the once dark kitchen is now flooding with my light.
Sparks are starting to come out of me, I am close to catching fire. The perfect
corner of the kitchen is now painted with the Tall Man’s shadow.
“Gus, get out of the fucking light, man. I
think they are coming.” Sloppy fuck said.
Almost there, don’t move, you asshole. Jack
is walking through the front of the house already. I can hear his nose whistle a
little. He broke it in a fight a few years back killing this one guy in the
garage.
“Jack! I can’t find anymore wood. Where
are you?!” Adelie yelled from the backyard.
Sloppy fuck walks towards the backdoor to
get a better look at what’s going on. Tall man follows right behind him.
“That fucking lamp is going to explode or
something. Where the fuck is this guy at?” Tall man said.
“I don’t know. But I’m about to go outside
and kill this bitch while we wait to find out.” Sloppy said.
Jack kicks the back of Sloppy’s knees
while taking the shotgun and blowing Tall Man’s crotch out. Jack throws Sloppy
on his stomach and puts the barrel of the shotgun to the back of his head.
“Come on in, honey! I got one of their
asses; well, crotch!” Jack yelled to Adelie.
She opens the door and steps over the
bloody mess and walks right by me and sits on the couch.
“This fucking lamp is really dim now,
babe.” She said.
“Really? That’s the first thing you say?”
“Well, yea. And that you’re cleaning this
up when we get done.”
“It’s dim because it had a power surge or
something. I noticed all the light from outside and watched this ugly bastard
walk by it. It was so bright, I thought I saw smoke coming from it.” Jack said.
“Wow. We could be dead right now if it
wasn’t for that.” Adelie said.
“Fuck, I know. As for this fuck, he will
for sure be joining his friend soon. Your buddy bled out pretty fast, boy. You
going to die that easy on me, too?”
“Anything you want, man. I have some weed
in my pocket and a few hundred bucks.” Sloppy fuck said.
“Only thing I want from you is to last 10
minutes while I blow off your limbs one by one. Can you do that?”
“Nooooo!” Sloppy screamed as Jack raised
his gun.
“Wait! Let me put the skillet on the stove
and get it smoking hot.” Adelie said.
She doesn’t cook. I know she’s not going
to make anything, this should be good. Jack walks to the tall man and drags him
out back next to the fire. Adelie stands there with her hand over the skillet smiling
with a cigarette hanging from her lip. Jack isn’t going to be happy about that.
She quit smoking a few years back. Fuck, here he is.
“Get that fucking fag out of your mouth!”
Jack yelled.
“Shut the fuck up and shoot that asshole’s
leg off.” She said while wincing her eyes and scrunching her nose. Without a
thought, Jack pumped the shotgun and blew Sloppy’s leg off at the knee. She ran
over (iron skillet in a mitted hand) and forced the skillet on the bloody
stump.
“What are you doing? Move, I’m going to do
the other leg.” Jack said.
“No, wait. It will stop the bleeding so we
have more time to play.” She said as she walked back to the kitchen.
I just came back to and they have Sloppy’s
legs off and his left arm is hanging by a piece of shoulder skin. He is still
alive. Not a bit of color in his face, but he is still alive, looking right at
me. I wonder where Jack and Adelie are.
“Fuck, it is cold out there, baby!” Adelie
said as she wrapped her arms around Jack. Such a lovely couple. I wonder if all
couples are this loving. Together all these years. I got to watch them kill all
of these bad people and make a home for themselves. No kids, but they had each
other.
“Get me that steak knife over there. I’m
going to cut this last piece of skin. That arm is freaking me out just swing by
that piece of skin.” Jack said.
Sloppy sits there and lets them do it.
Never taking his eyes off of me. They must have gave him something while I blacked
out.
“Wake, up!” Adelie screams as she shoved
the knife in Sloppy’s thigh. Giving the knife a few turns, he starts to scream.
“There you are! You dreaming?! Too fucking bad, THIS nightmare isn’t over yet.”
She walks to the kitchen and gets her
mini-bat. She slowly makes her way back to Sloppy and raises the mini-bat high
over her head.
“Any last words?” She asked.
“Fuck off.” Sloppy said as he got his
forehead smashed in.
“You know there will be more to come in
the next few weeks looking for these guys, right?” Jack asked.
“Yea, I know. More fun for us.” She said
as she kissed Jack’s cheek.
“Baby, can we clean up in the morning? I’m
too tired to do it tonight.” Jack asked.
“Fine. But shut that lamp off before it
catches fire or something.” She said.
I like that they have plans for fun in the
future. I know I won’t turn back on after they pull my string. All the great
things I witnessed. I hope I get to take these memories with me… wherever I’m
going.
Click*
