Death Row

     

-Death Row-

  

10/18/95

     Here I am. Wondering what I will do with the last few weeks of my life. Truth be told, I'm calm. I have no regrets about anything I have done. Only regrets I have is of things I haven't had a chance to do yet.

     People I wanted to change.                                   

     People that NEEDED to be changed.

     That chance is gone now. There are plenty of people that need changing in here but I have very little access to them. Hell, they won't even give me a mirror to look at myself in, let alone look at another person. The guards come by every three hours to get their glimpse at the Lion. That’s what I am. Though not everyone gets to see that part of me. I keep that hidden deep inside. That’s only for me and the people I change. All my life I viewed every human as prey. They are weak. They need other human interaction to make themselves feel worthy of anything. Everyone floats about society like a Jellyfish. It’s all bullshit. It’s a game. Look at me, Look at me.

     Everyone has a mobile phone now a days. It’s like a leash. Why don't you wait till you get home and check your answering machine like everyone else? 

     Earlier this year Indiana got this new Death Sentence called lethal Injection. FUCK! I am happy about that, I mean, don't get me wrong, Getting Electrocuted till I shit my pants sounds fun, but it’s not my style. Now! All I have to do is lay down on a table and get put to sleep?! That sounds like an easier way to go. Then I can change. Maybe I'll get a chance to change you once I come back.

     Today was shitty. They had to check cells. Rumors about a shiv in Death Row been going around. I don't have anything I shouldn't have. Besides this pen and paper, they won't find this though until my last day, I'll leave it on my bed. Maybe someone will have an interest for my story.

     This better not fuck with Cheese Burgers Thursdays! That’s the only day we have something that resembles a real meal. They take away your diet in here. They feed you some bullshit soup or stew. Some sorry ass sandwich. Food is the first step. Then they lock you away for hours on end. They want you to go insane. Not me though. I been alone my whole life. Sure I been with my wife for 17 years, but no one else is like me.

  

10/19/95

     The first person I changed was in Fall of 1980. I was 20 and just dating my now wife. We went out to eat and the waiter wasn't right. He had Dark Energy. No one else can see energy in people that I know of anyway. Energy never dies, it just transfers to the next body. The body is a vessel for energy to interact with the world. Energy needs the body to recharge. When the body dies, energy leaves and enters Dark Matter, where it stays till another body is ready to take. Energy gets tainted over time and when it gets tainted, it becomes destructive. I can clean that energy before it takes another body, so it’s pure again. I just have to kill the body it’s in to change it. That or let the energy get darker and who knows what will come of it. Kill a few to save the rest of us. To me that’s noble. I should be embraced, not set off to get put to sleep like I'm an old dog. No time to prove the Dark Energy to anyone now. They wouldn't understand the Data anyways. I'll have to go about it differently when I get back in a new body. But I digress.

     After we ate our meal and got home. I told Renee I had to go to work. I worked mid-nights, have for a long time. I'm always up anyways. But that night I didn't work. I only worked 4 nights a week, but I never told her that. She thought I worked 6 nights a week. That’s the only way I could get my time to do what I do. I went and followed Mr. Waiter home. I sat outside the food joint for a while. He came out around 11 pm, so I followed him. He went the local bar. I went it, sat at the bar and watched him. He came and stood next to me a few times to order his drinks. I had a few Coors Light and some shots of John Daniels. I was buzzing pretty hard so I went outside and got in Mr. Waiter's back seat. Always lock your doors Kiddos. He walked out the bar around last call and got into his car. I hit him as hard as I could with my black jack. He slumped over toward the passenger seat. I got behind the wheel and took him to an empty barn, where I hung him high by his ankles. I have rubber gloves on. This is my first, but I'm not dumb. He came to and I bit a chunk of his cheek off. Blood flooded my mouth, had a copper taste to it, like I had a mouth full of pennies. He screamed as you would guess, I sat there looking at the energy he had. It was bad energy. It was coming from his eyes, nose and mouth. Once I end this body the energy will purify. I reach in my pocket and pulled out the box cutter, retracted it and slit his throat open. I wasn't ready for the blood that came out. Some got on my clothes, which I wasn't hoping for. His eyes changed. That’s when I knew I purified the energy. I just left the body hanging there, over a pool of blood.

     Went home, got a change of clothes and burnt everything I had on in the fire pit. Took a long hot shower so Renee wouldn't smell anything on me. That woman has a nose of a blood hound. Told her I finished early. It was only 5am, I normally get home around 9am. The next day it was on the News.  The farmer was under question but never convicted. Renee asked who could do this while we watched. I told her a monster. And it was sitting right next to her. That’s when I knew my place. I was to put a stop to all the bad energy before it had the chance to get into another person. To change it.

     That was the first one. After that I made everything look like suicides or accidents. Less of a chance to get caught like that. People don’t really think murder when they see someone hanging from a rafter in the garage.

     Fuck, those cheese burgers were good today. Too bad I only have one more cheese burger in my future. I guess I could get one for my last meal, but I think I'll ask for something special.

10/20/95

     After that first kill I didn't see any bad energy for a few years. Had my hands full from getting married. Her dad passed away when she was a little girl, so I had to pay for everything. Which wasn't too bad. We moved from Kokomo to Columbus, Indiana. Got this nice house on Aspen Lane, next to Flatrock River. Nice spot, dead end road. Had privacy and could go fish right down the road any time I wanted. The old lady liked to fish to, so we was always fishing. She threw em back as much as I did, so we always had beers with us when we went. She use to tease, "If we don’t catch any fish, we'll for damn sure catch a buzz!"  She was cute like that and it never got old...

     We could never have kids. The first time she got knocked up, she had a miscarriage a few months into it. We didn't take it well. I knew it was bad energy that was getting our babies. Over the years, she would always miscarry. That’s when I started to notice the bad energy again. On my nights off, I would go to bars or strip joints. There was always people that need changing in there. I would follow them home and then watch them for a few days, to get an idea of their situation. Job, family, friends etc. Then I would decide how and where to change them. Most I would change them in their own houses. Hanging, sliced wrists, some slip and falls in the tub, drowning in the bath water, falling down stairs, some farm accidents, house blew up from a loose gas hose on the stove. Whatever I could do.  The ones I had to change away from their houses I would drug them in the bar. Slip powder Ambien in their drinks and wait outside for them. I would do my back seat trick for the suckers that don't lock doors (my favorite method), for those who locked their door I would ambush them when they went to get in their cars. Some I would push the gas pedal down and throw it in drive so they would drive off bridges. Others I would slice their wrists and leave them in the car. I would do some public displays, few hanging from the tree, some floaters. I even threw a few off some buildings. It wasn't an everyday thing. After I changed one I felt free and relieved, I wouldn't see any Dark Energy for a while. Years even. Dark Matter is everywhere. Everything is made out of Matter, but Dark Matter isn't even Matter. It holds everything together, without it entire universes would just blow apart. So Dark Energy is always around, it only takes time till I see it again.

10/22/95

     Bitches keep flooding their cells and starting shit, so it was too hot to write. Guards constantly at our windows. They take our things, so I have to make sure they don't find this. Things cooled off though. Just got back from my hour out in the box. Just a small caged in area outside that they let us sinners relax in. I lay on my back and look at the sky when I'm out there. Day-dream about Renee mostly. I'm here and she's at home. We always had plenty of money, so she'll be set for a while. She doesn't come to see me. She never seen that side of me the whole time we was together, my true side. I still love her though, I'm sure she still loves me but a normal person can't look past what I did. I never blamed her for that. Maybe she'll find someone and have the kid she always wanted. I could be the reason Dark Energy kept taking them.

10/25/95

     So how did I get caught you ask? Well I turned myself in and told them everything.... Fuck off. That first asshole I changed basically nailed me. He was the first murder in Kokomo in 20 something years, so it stood out.  Some new detective got the cold case file and checked the DNA data base for Indiana. By this time all those suicides got attention. They started taking DNA samples from people. In my line of work, cutting open someone’s wrists, they are not going to let you do that. I don't care how much Ambien I give someone, so I get scratched a lot. So when they get a call about a suicide, they been treating the body like a crime scene (which is was). Checking under nails, looking for prints, body fluids, hair or whatever they look for. I quit using gloves since I was working that suicide/accident angle. I never sexually assaulted anybody, there was no need for that. Just needed to purify that Dark Energy. But they had DNA samples of me, prints, tire impressions, you name it. I didn’t know anything about that. They didn't have a name for that DNA though, so I kept doing my thing. They called me the Suicide Killer. A fucking oxymoron if I ever heard one. But it had a nice ring to it. I didn't change people in Columbus unless it was a perfect set-up. I went to neighboring towns mostly. I was just more methodical about it. I couldn't leave the state or anything, remember I had to do this shit at night, and be home in time before the misses had questions or what have you. I made it 3 years before they got me earlier this year. A month after my 35th birthday.

10/26/95

     Fucking last cheese burger of my life was great. Not sure what I'll get for my last meal. I guess I should be thinking about that but it’s the last thing on my mind. I'll worry about that day when it gets here. Getting some reading done. Bucket list reading I guess you can call it. It'll be good to have them read, so when I come back I won't have to read them again.

10/29/95

     It was the weekend. I been following this chick that was pretty dark. She was one of the strippers at the club. The high money maker. She cleaned everybody out when she was doing her thing, every time. I overheard her saying that they were making her work Sat. because a few girls went to jail earlier that day when cops busted em for having coke. I knew that was my time to get her. So I broke into her house around midnight the next day. I knew she would be at the club by this time, and that she would get home around 4am. Plan was to change her real fast, then head home. Time would be tight, but I could make it. I could say we had a meeting if things took long. I got in the back window. Good thing it was a mild day for March. Soon as I put my back leg down I knocked a nick nack over. Picked it up and put it back. Headed toward the kitchen, drink some water. Looked around the house. Nice place, she has money that’s for sure. Everything looked new. Nice leather sofa, brand new carpet, new mobile phone charging in the kitchen, big screen TV, new computer, no books to be seen. Would of added to the place. It had a nice vibe though.

     Then I heard a loud pop from behind me and felt a pain in my shoulder. The cunt shot me. I ran to the next room and hit the dining room table and fell down. She was over me with the gun pointed right at my face and she has the phone in the other hand dialing 911. "There is some asshole in my house and I'm going to shoot him dead if you're not here in 15 minutes!" She yells into the phone before throwing it across the room.

     "Who the fuck are you?" She yells.

     "I'm am a purifier of energy my dear."

     "Of energy?! You fucking wacko!"

     "You have Dark Energy, and I am going to purify you. Do you want to be purified?" I asked. Thought being calm would make it better somehow.

     "Mother fucker, I took a long bath and put a few drops of vinegar in the water. I am purified."

     "You will need more than just a tight pussy to get purified girl. I can't have you cross over with energy as dark as yours, your kind keeps taking my babies."

     "I should just kill your ass right now! I have every fucking right to. Why you here? Did Anthony send you? This about the fucking coke?! I don't have shit in the house, and they can't prove a motha fuckin' thang. The cops will get here and take your crazy ass off. I didn't want a dead man in my house is the only reason I called them. So if he sent you, just go in and shut the fuck up and never come my way again, and you'll be fine. If you come back and trust me I'll be looking out for you, I'll get the shotgun out next time and cut your ass in half with it."

     She looked away for one second and I kicked her in her knee. She fell back and shot the gun. She went straight to the floor. I got a hold of the gun quicker than I thought I would. I took the clip out, slid the slide back and took it apart. It was a Glock 19, so it took apart really easy. She had hollow point 9mm in it. Good girl. It surely fucked my shoulder up. No gun, no problem. I took her by her ankles and started to drag her toward the kitchen. I knew the cops would be here any minute. I heard a cry of a younger kid, maybe even a baby from up-stairs.

     "Do you have a child?" I asked.

     "He just turned two."

     "Do you want to see him grow up?"

     "Yes, I would."

     "Why Should I not Change you?"

     "Change?"

     "You will change once I take the body you're in. Your energy is Dark. I need to purify it, that’s why I'm here." 

     "I do not want to die, and I am the only person my son has. His dad died a few years back. I have no other family. His dad's side of the family doesn't want anything to do with us. I'll quit the drugs and everything if you let me live'' She told me.

     So I let her live. Something about her changed when she told me that. I knew I couldn't get away. So I got a beer from the fridge and sat there on the floor next to her. Waited for the cops to come in the door. I couldn't even finish my beer before they came in. I thought maybe I could get away with it somehow. I didn’t break in her house with a gun or anything. Slap on the wrist. But after taking my DNA and prints they had me. They got their Suicide-Killer.

10/30/95

     After putting shit down on paper I kind of see what they seen. It wouldn't make sense to an average person, who doesn't know about the world and physics. I think the majority that put me down for lethal injection had to be Christians. Fuck, they believe the world was made in 7 fucking days. If they read what they believe, it says it was made in 6 days and he rested on the 7th, but 90% of Christians wouldn't know that. Quick to judge and quick to look away. And it says, ''Man was made in our image.'' Our image? There is more than one God? You won't hear them talk about that though. I have my own beliefs on things. I don’t need some money hungry machine of a religion to tell me what to believe. How was the world made? They won't know. Christians or Jews don't know shit about anything. All that was made up in some ancient time when they didn't know why the sun rose, let alone how old the fucking earth was. They used One God to explain the world because they didn't know a fucking thing. The universe was expanding. That means there is a point, a beginning to the universe. If there was a place for the universe to exist, what is it existing in? Is there a singular space where all of time and space had to start? No one knows. Our Ape minds are too small to imagine that. We are truly a third chimpanzee. How could we imagine that? Our modern minds only existed for 10s of thousands of years, how could we understand the fucking mystery of the cosmos?                                         

     Stand still for ten seconds, and know that’s as small as a grain of sand in what we live in. And what we live in could be another grain of sand to a larger picture. There is an end to everything in this world we see. What is the end to our space? More space? New space? Bigger space? What is point zero? No one knows. Only great minds have their theories.

10/31/95

     Halloween, what a perfect fit. This is my last day. I just had my last meal. A Large Jar of Peanut M&M's and a Large Chocolate Fudge Sundae. Best thing I have ever tasted. Just a few hours and I will have all the answers every man has ever asked. Or I could just end up some asshole on a table full of lethal poisons. I am only 35. I am in this situation because of my beliefs. Energy is out there. Dark Energy is real. Be it an infant name for it. Dark Energy is beyond us. It IS us.

     Renee be happy. You are the purest energy I have ever seen. I am sorry I brought so much Dark Energy in our lives. You'll move on I am sure and have a great family. Forget about me but I will be back, to help rid the world of Dark Energy. Just you see.

     It is almost time. I am calm. Ready to leave this body. This life. Everything I have done, needed to be done. I know that to be fact. They are pure now because of me. It is just my time. Its design. This IS part of it, I'm sure. I think for my last words I'll quote the Terminator.

Sincerely,

 The Suicide-Killer

The End